Please, take care of yourself

I’m not suicidal.  I’ve never been suicidal.  But I have hoped that it would just end.  That I’d fall asleep, and I simply wouldn’t wake up.  Or that some random person on the street would just end me, or…

Well, anything.

That’s the depression talking.  It’s a corrupting element.  It subverts your thoughts and logic.  It makes you think things that aren’t true, and makes you ignore the truth.  It can get crushing.  It can be impossible to deal with.  It can make even the smallest of things into an endless slog.  Boulders on your chest, a dull ache that’s everywhere and nowhere.

It’s terrible.

Suicide, or even the thought that you wish that you could be dead, is never the answer.  If you feel these things, please either visit the Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call their hotline.  You don’t have to be on the edge of a bridge or at the end of your rope.  Sometimes, just talking with someone who is nothing but an anonymous voice at the other end of the phone is such a relief.

Like I said, I’ve never even contemplated suicide, but I have called them in the past just to reach out to someone.  When I can’t admit that I wanted to just be dead to anyone that I can see face to face, they can talk.  Just admitting it out loud to someone who has volunteered specifically not to judge you but to help you can help take the edge off.  It’s a moment of catharsis.

Please, take care of yourself, and if you can’t be well, then know that there are people willing to at least listen when you feel that nobody else will.