Setanta retrospective part 1

No idea when other parts will be, these are just random thoughts and musings. Also, spoiler warning. Don’t read further if you haven’t read the story.

Wow, Jordan. Half of everything that went wrong with Setanta was because of him or me. Mostly me. But he’s responsible for a lot of it. Trying to write someone with that level of mental health issues may not have been wise. Putting myself into his mindset so often and for so long was not a good thing.

I don’t suffer from his brand of depression, but I’ve dealt with enough people who do. Most of the time, they don’t recognize that they have depression. Most men who suffer from it legitimately don’t even realize that something is wrong — I’ve heard some guys confess that they honestly didn’t understand that emotions were supposed to last for longer than seconds, or that they were supposed to feel anything.

I spent a long time figuring out how that would work for a main character. Things would have been easier for both myself and the readers if I’d been able to say it early on in the story — establish that he suffered from that and was low-key suicidal, and suddenly a lot of the story works in a new way. Someone once said that Jordan hated himself, and he genuinely doesn’t. He just doesn’t feel long enough for it to make a difference. And it isn’t something that happened because of what was done to him, or that he was exposed to. It’s just who he is.

In-universe, Jordan is obviously damaged. This is also why some people are attracted to him: here’s a guy who wants to help, who is a good person, and who will do everything he can for you, but is so horribly damaged. This is a universe where most people either have PTSD or have been close to someone who has it. Where physical contact is shunned. Someone like him is attractive to those who need someone to care for in order to validate themselves. He’s also attractive to those who want someone who can protect them.

Neither lead to a good relationship, incidentally. The “romantic” relationships that he attracts are doomed to failure. Well, maybe Gina. She knew what all was wrong with him and accepted him for that, but didn’t want to fix him or anything. He accepted her for who she was, encouraged and challenged her, and helped her feel like a complete person.

Interestingly, the best non-famial relationship that he has would be with Emi. John is a close second, but he’s too much of a liar and a manipulator to have a really good relationship with anyone. Emi is supportive while not accepting his bullshit once she understands that there is bullshit.

This was also why the early arcs were necessary. Jordan and his siblings have a good dynamic going on. I had to share the good, even if it meant that they willfully ignored or took a step back on certain things. They knew why he did certain things and gave him a pass on them, knew that things got worse if you stepped in, or gently kept him from sliding into bad habits. Bad habits that he yeeted himself into the moment that he wasn’t around them anymore. (I refuse to use yote.)

The gang was also good for him, in a different way. Jordan kept himself active for a reason. Not being active only made things worse. Being alone with that emptiness was a special hell, so he trained, researched, keep his body or mind active. The fact that if he pushed himself hard enough, he felt something for a little bit only encouraged the hyper training more. He’s an addict desperate to feel anything. And yes, he would have become an addict if anyone tried to convince him to try narcotics. But when you have a rep like he does…

Those same bad habits led to him undergoing a slow degradation. Most readers didn’t pick up on the small signs, but they did eventually notice the shift. Most people see the shift at some part in the story, when he’s given up on his dreams of being a hero, and is still, ultimately, clinging to the belief that triggering will make everything better.

To me, as the author, the central theme behind Setanta is lies. The lies the world operates on, the lies we tell, the lies we’re told, and the lies we tell ourselves. Jordan is firmly in the last camp. If anyone lies to themselves, it’s him. Even when he knows the truth, he’s perfectly willing to accept the comforting lie. In a way, that’s his main use for forgetting things. So that the lies remain the truth as far as he knows.

I was honestly surprised that people didn’t get that Jordan was an unreliable narrator. Not disappointed, as it meant that his internal logic made some sort of sense, but still surprised. Unreliable narrators are hard, because either you tip your hand too much, or not enough. I feel like a lot of people who described Jordan as a Mary Sue would have responded differently if they would have realized that not everything happens quite the way he tells you that it does. I still don’t know how I could have done that elegantly.

…I had so much more that I wanted to talk about, but I’m out of energy. I’m sorry.

Something for you

I’ve sworn off fanfiction, but that doesn’t stop my brain from thinking.  Mostly because I live with an asshole who likes to plant seeds in my head.  For example, Errant Vagrant once asked me how I would do a Judge Dredd fanfilm.  I love the socialist fascist setting of Judge Dredd, so I couldn’t let it go.  After some thought, I came up with the following:

Open with a couple of people talking in the locker room.  Your typical “Just average people” kind of thing.  Once they put their helmets on, though, they’re Judges.  We follow one as he reports for his first duty of the day: a riot is forming.  On his way to the riot, he passes someone sleeping in an alley.  He addresses the rioters, and learns that they’re desperate for work.  It doesn’t show his judgement, just him walking away, but this time without any yelling in the background.  Maybe some crying, though.  As he does so, he casually shoots the hobo, killing the man.  From there, we follow his day, usually not showing his judgements, but with the usual evidence… pretty clear.

The “climax” is him getting into a bad scrape, having to rely on trickery and wits to survive.  He even pretends to be Dredd at one point.

After this, he’s in the locker room, somberly removing his gear when another Judge approaches him.  He turns, knowing full and well that she’s there to cast judgement on his actions, and states that he’s willing to receive his punishment, no matter what it might be.  She’s silent for a moment before asking him to recount his day to her.  With a deep breath, he does.

We’re taken back through his day.  As he passes the hobo, he silently begins running an ID check.  He then addresses the rioters, and we see his judgement: Disturbing the peace, five years mining labor.  He informs them that it’s one of the better mining camps, and that they will be paid for their labor, better than the government handout.  They’re thankful to him for this.  On his way out, he checks the results of the ID of the hobo — known murderer and rapist.  He dispenses judgement.

We see instead of the cold man who relied on his guns, a man who is trying to do right by the community through creative “punishments” that leave the people thankful to him.  All of those apparently lethal judgements are now cast in a different light.

His recounting of the last incident is just him walking through the incident, clips shown as he mentions them.  He’s very clear about his crimes.  In the end, it cuts back to the locker room.  The other Judge stands there, regarding him silently, her mouth a stern line.  He confesses that he knows that he would never have become a Judge had the requirements not been lowered so far recently “due to the troubles,” and that he can never stand up to the stellar example of “Judges like you.”  And that he, once again, will abide by her judgement without hesitation.  He never pleads, he knows he did wrong, and he’s willing to take it on the chin, so to speak.

She would stay silent for a moment longer, before sternly declaring “I’m ready to cast judgement.”  Cut to black, roll credits.  Let the audience decide her judgement.

Feel free to steal that.  Goodness knows, I stole the “rioters happily going to labor camps” directly from the comics themselves.  I started writing it briefly for Errant Vagrant before my disgust got the better of me.


 

Today, Errant Vagrant saw the Venom movie, describing it as “fun but forgettable.”  Knowing that I’m not-quite a fan, he asked me how I’d do a Venom story.  I told him that I wouldn’t.  Then he asked me the more important question: “How would you do a symbiote story?”  That’s a question that haunts me.

If I were to do a symbiote story, I think that I’d follow my personal favorite interpretation of the symbiotes.  Depending on which retcon you follow, they dominate and burn out their hosts.  Venom is the outcast for not doing this.  They also feed on adrenaline.  This, I can work with.

A new superhero is making waves in Chicago.  Athletic, wearing an eyeless dark outfit that changes colors regularly as he’s “trying to find what works best.”  He’s a decent hero — doesn’t kill or maim, works with the police but asks no favoritism, and handles the local super villains with grace.  Flashy and does dangerous things, but is always mindful of civilians.  His powers are the standard strength and durability.  Nothing that stands out, according to news reports.

Naturally, it’s someone bonded to a symbiote.  Someone who suffers from anxiety, and is a nebbish, awkward sort.  Plays the clarinet.  His relationship with his symbiote is… complicated.  Everything that the symbiote does as a hero scares the crap out of the guy, almost like the symbiote is purposefully pressing all of his buttons.  The symbiote is in control as the hero, but otherwise just helps out the poor guy the rest of the time.

They act like old friends in many ways.  They argue over the proper pronunciation of symbiote, then data, then potato, then tomato, before they both sing “Let’s call the whole thing off” with a chuckle.

During the day, the symbiote helps him by whispering words of encouragement into the guy’s ear.  It helps him with his crummy job, deal with his mother (who’s very upset that he isn’t using his expensive degree), and day-to-day issues with his anxiety.  At one point, it even “takes over,” appearing as tattoo lines criss-crossing the guy’s body after he bemoans never going on a date.  It goes on a club for him (not really getting it, but doing passably well), finding a person that the guy is interested in and doing all the talking and moving for the guy.  And after a rough day of superheroing, the guy curls up with an old black and white movie to help him relax, with the symbiote covering him with a blanket after he passes out in the middle of the movie, wishing him pleasant dreams.

In exchange, the symbiote does the superhero thing, but this time the roles are reversed.  The guy is still terrified out of his mind, but he pushes the symbiote to do things that would terrify him more in order to feed it.  They also use the heroics to supplement the guys pathetic income.

It would eventually come out (perhaps when dealing with some other hero who finally identifies the symbiote) that it was a test subject in a lab, and when its “kin” tried to escape, a self-destruct was activated.  As it tried to escape before the place was scoured clean by fire, it came across the guy (a junior lab tech) cowering in fear.  Originally, it thought that it would have one last meal before dying, but it turned out that the guy knew how to escape, but was too terrified to take it.  So the symbiote helped, saving both their lives.  They’ve since bonded as close as they can get, taking care of each other.  It doesn’t dominate except when it has to and always releases control as soon as it’s safe to do so.  In exchange, the guy helps feed the symbiote and helps to keep it away from both the government and anyone that might come after it for being what it is.

While it would focus on two people who are ultimately comfortable with the other one, there’s all sorts of ways that it could be taken.  Maybe the guy gets into turmoil over the person that they’re dating not being into him at all but the symbiote, with the symbiote not actually understanding the difference.  Maybe someone does find out and comes after them, only to learn that its weakness to sound has been nullified — the symbiote filters out the guy’s anxiety medication, partially so that it can feed, but also because it helps with the sound issue for some reason.

Me and him, we’re both outcasts.  He is outcast by a society that can’t understand what it does to him, excluding him by merely existing.  I am outcast because… I like my hosts.  I always have, and that’s a sin for my kind.

“But together, we can be more than we were alone.  We aren’t outcasts now.  We have someone that we can rely on completely.”

If you try to separate us… I will violate my no-kill rule.

“And I’ll let him.”

I think that it could be an interesting story.  It isn’t my ideal kind of symbiote story, but rather the one that I’d rather existed in public.  I won’t write it, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t think it was awesome if someone else did.  I just love the alien mind and the nervous wreck showing genuine affection for the other, trying to help the other one as best they can.  Neither one really understands the other, but they’re doing their best.  Plus, it leaves the possibility of meeting the real Venom, which would give one line that amuses me far too much.

“He’s a good symbiote, Brock.  He’s trying the best that he can.”

Please, take care of yourself

I’m not suicidal.  I’ve never been suicidal.  But I have hoped that it would just end.  That I’d fall asleep, and I simply wouldn’t wake up.  Or that some random person on the street would just end me, or…

Well, anything.

That’s the depression talking.  It’s a corrupting element.  It subverts your thoughts and logic.  It makes you think things that aren’t true, and makes you ignore the truth.  It can get crushing.  It can be impossible to deal with.  It can make even the smallest of things into an endless slog.  Boulders on your chest, a dull ache that’s everywhere and nowhere.

It’s terrible.

Suicide, or even the thought that you wish that you could be dead, is never the answer.  If you feel these things, please either visit the Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call their hotline.  You don’t have to be on the edge of a bridge or at the end of your rope.  Sometimes, just talking with someone who is nothing but an anonymous voice at the other end of the phone is such a relief.

Like I said, I’ve never even contemplated suicide, but I have called them in the past just to reach out to someone.  When I can’t admit that I wanted to just be dead to anyone that I can see face to face, they can talk.  Just admitting it out loud to someone who has volunteered specifically not to judge you but to help you can help take the edge off.  It’s a moment of catharsis.

Please, take care of yourself, and if you can’t be well, then know that there are people willing to at least listen when you feel that nobody else will.

City of Dreams: 2

In the eyes of a hunter, the intent of a gun is to provide for his family.
In the eyes of a soldier, the intent of a gun is death; his or his enemies.
The gun does not change, only how we see it.

The rickshaw moved light and easy despite the terrible load that it bore.  I had, of course, taken it upon myself to haul our equipment.  Simply because I had the foresight to travel light did not mean that one of the others hadn’t brought something which might save my life.  Should that happen, good graces could be earned by reminding them that they hadn’t dragged their own equipment along.  Besides, it kept my mind off the fact that I was walking down a smooth white tunnel with no visible light source.

I was surprised, however, when Miss Ellicott moved close to me, whispering conspiratorially.  “I’m surprised that the wall has held up so well.”

“It heals itself.  The Garmgrad Army blasted a hole in the wall back during their last invasion.  Their last message before they entered said that they observed a healing that was both too slow to see with the naked eye, but too quick to be unnoticeable.  Sadly, their entire force charged in — it would have done us all good had they retrieved pieces of rubble for study.”

“Indeed,” she mused.

I cast her a glance.  It was tricky to speak both quietly and with sufficient volume to be heard over the marching of the Garmgrad troops.  “If I might be so bold, why ask me?”  Especially as I was engaged in such physical activity.

Miss Ellicott’s lips quirked into the hint of a delightful smile.  “A thoughtful man who studies when the rest of us are content to chatter?  Surely, I know who will provide me with information.  And anyone who is able to elicit such a crass greeting from the esteemed Sir Wallen must be worthy of consideration.”

She was being coy, but I took it as meaning no deeper than such.  Indeed, that bear of a man only seemed to speak freely to those whom he felt a kinship to, and should he be vulgar, then truly you were his friend.  I was blessed to have such a relationship.

I had little time to think about it, though, as our massive expedition reached the second gates.  “Brace yourself,” I whispered as the Rhilian once again approached the control panel.  As he fiddled, I looked up; this passage might be covered, hiding it from the heavens, but I could see plenty of places where people might be able to stand and rain death down upon us.  What would at first glance be a featureless tunnel had slits large enough for a man to stand in far above our heads.  I had a secondary reason for pushing this rickshaw, after all — its wooden roof provided me a meager token of protection.

It was, however, a touch down putting when people began to show their alarm when the gates behind us began to close.  I’d figured us all for people of quick wit and logic.  One would not create such a long entry if both gates were to be open at once.  Again, it was only a matter of breaths before those gates silently closed, and the ones before us opened.

Before us laid the City of Dreams.

It was both beautiful and repulsive to me.   The buildings were a hodgepodge of styles.  Some reminded me of home, with their intersecting gables, bay windows, towers, and verandas; some were reminiscent the simple huts of the natives of either the southern continent or the new world.  Some, no doubt, the Zipong would feel comfortable in.  Others harkened me back to what I recalled of drawings various previous companions had made during their adventurers in the Qurab countries.  More still I couldn’t identify an influence guiding their hand.  No doubt, that of the native culture.

It should not have disgusted me so, save for the realization that the City had closed its gates hundreds of years ago.  How could they mimic the design styles of those great architects such as James Ruskin or William Millhew and their Renaissance Revivalist designs so accurately?

I had little time to ponder this, however, as the Gramgard forces pushed forward, rifles at the ready.  No doubt they wished to make sure that our point of entry was secure.  Bully for them.  As we all followed, though, I noticed something over the ruckus we made — an absence of screaming or howling madness.  It was as much a relief as it was dreadful.  I feared for when it might begin.

As soon as we all passed the gates, they began to close on us automatically.  Because naturally they would, even without our direction to do so.  Were this to be so simple, I would be even more concerned.  Nevertheless, we all fell within the semicircle of Gramgard troops, awaiting them to give the all clear.

At first, I was convinced that we would be waiting uselessly, until one soldier bristled and barked something.  Immediately, all of their soldiers were even more alert.

It surprised me, then, when Mr. Taylor moved to my other side, leaning in so that he might whisper.  “Footsteps.”  I had not expected him to be so fluent in their tongue.  And was he of the same opinion as Miss Ellicott?  No, something felt off about the way he spoke to me.  I would have to investigate when time permitted.

After but a few scant moments, I was surprised to see a woman come into view.  Her dress was well past its prime, her golden hair wild and unruly, and her entire demeanor disheveled.  A Gramgard soldier barked something which needed no translation.  As if by his command, she fell to the earth in tears, blubbering in Deuzsh.

Mr. Taylor whispered with the utmost care.  “She’s saying that it’s been so long that she had given up all hope.”  A Gramgard officer, the leader of his portion of the expedition by the looks of him approached her, speaking with surprising tenderness.

“He’s asking her to calm down and tell him what happened,” Mr. Taylor continued to translate.  The woman wailed an answer.  “She says that she was part of the last journey here to make an entrance to the City successfully.  That she she’s survived despite the dangers.  That…”  Mr. Taylor’s face creased in a deep frown.  “That the City hasn’t let her age.”

I wouldn’t put it past the City to have something that caused something akin to an unaging immortality.  I had seen a village of savages who had based their entire religion around a Wonder that, when water was poured through it, would treat the water in such a way that it would restore vitality, cure wounds, ease ill humors, and bestow a host of other beneficial effects, leaving the imbiber with a state of mild euphoria.

One of our members had tried it, seeing as he was suffering at the time, and reported the change as it happened over a number of hours.  It was a pity that we found him on the trip back with a gun pointed at Sir Wallen, demanding access to the samples we returned with.  We were able to subdue him, but by the time that we reached a friendly port he had been driven quite mad without more of that water.  It was later, after he had been committed to a madhouse, that he drowned himself seeking a hint of that water.

The officer and the woman began to exchange words now, and Mr. Taylor thankfully continued his translation for me, as my knowledge of the Deuzsh tongue was admittedly weak.  “He’s asking what dangers.  She claims that there are monsters and worse lurking the streets.  She says that her expedition was whittled down man by man as they learned the rules of the city and how to survive, and only through their brave sacrifices has she been able to survive.”

The officer gently lifted her onto her feet, and she was starting to come t her senses.  A blessed relief.  There was nothing quite like seeing a woman wail like that; not the graceful, restrained tears, but the kind of wailing where fluids come from almost every orifice in the face.

“He’s asking about these rules.”  Pragmatic.  I approved.  The woman grabbed his hand and tugged at it.  “She wants to show him.”

I immediately ducked underneath the bars of my rickshaw.  “Stay here,” I ordered.  “I need to see what she’s showing him.”

“I’m coming with,” Mr. Taylor said quickly.  “You’ll need my help.”

We weren’t the only ones.  A Rhilian and a Tsullist came with us.  It was no surprise that the Zipong didn’t come, considering that their numbers.  Together with a small handful of soldiers, the woman lead us through the streets, pausing at a building.  She spoke before turning to a window.

“Normally, your breath will disappear from a window,” said my erstwhile companion.  I watched as she put her hand on the frame and blew.  As she withdrew her hand, indeed, the fogging around the handprint slowly disappeared.  As soon as it was gone, she clutched for the officer’s hand again, leading him away.  A few buildings down was one in an older design; solid oak planks made up the walls, and the windows appeared to be sagging with age.  Truly, I could easily envision this in an older village than in such a grand city.  A sign hung above the door; Honigkrug, I noted.

Once again, the woman repeated the process of putting her hand on the window and leaning close to blow on it.  After a moment, she withdrew to show us her handiwork.  This time, the fog around her handprint showed no sign of disappearing at all.  She spoke again, and rather than strain myself to translate, I waited for Mr. Taylor.  “She says that when it stays around a handprint, you have protection from all dangers.”

Interesting.  How in the world had they figured that out?  Most likely the same way we learned about wonders: trial, error, and blood.

The  officer was silent for a moment, running a hand over his neatly trimmed beard as he looked over the building.  He was probably a noble of some low rank, but I didn’t hazard a guess as to what, or what he might have done to be assigned this duty.  Still, with his height and his bearing, he struck me as a nobleman, and that was enough for me.

The officer said something to his soldiers and before Mr. Taylor could explain, he turned to us.  “May I assume that you all understand what was said?” he asked in surprisingly good tongue.  The four of us gave our agreement, and he nodded.  “Then this is what we will do.  We can see the gates from here, so my men and I will set up and prepare defenses.  We will use this as a fallback point in case of disaster.  Meanwhile, you will report to your camps how to ensure your safety.  Nightfall is soon, and if any creatures are to attack, it would be then.  In the morning, I’d request that everyone visit us so that we might share information.”

We all found that agreeable, so haste was made to return the scant handful of blocks to the others.  I saw this, however, as an opportunity.  “I find it strange that you show me so much more interest than before.”

Mr. Taylor fixed me with a grim smile.  “We need solidarity in these trying times.”

“Indeed, however you are showing me favor over the others.”

The other man nodded.  “I find my opinion of you has changed as of late.  I fear that it might not be true for the others, but I now hold you in the highest of esteem.”

How queer.  “Is it because of the words that I shared with Sir Wallen?”

His lips twisted upwards a bit.  “No, my opinion changed before then.  However, had that not been the case, I may very well have.  This, however, can be discussed after proper sleeping arrangements are made.”

Indeed, I could see the logic behind such a decision.  I looked at him now, taking in his appearance as if for the first time.  He was mostly a clean-shaven man, save for an immaculate moustache, and his frame was tall but not reedy.  His dark hair was cut shorter than fit his face’s angular features, which I found interesting.  Was this his style of choice, or was had he taken the pragmatic approach that I had and realized that we might not die instantly, so seeing a proper barber might be some time?

I let Mr. Taylor handle communicating what we had learned to the others in our party, instead focusing on the rickshaw.  Soon we were walking again, Miss Ellicott looking uncomfortable as she hiked her skirt somewhat to keep up with us in these initial legs.  She hadn’t needed to worry for long, however, as the Rhilians soon took a different street than us.  This, in turn, left us free to begin the otherwise silly process of blowing on windows.

Darkness was fast approaching before Mr. Dewar let out a noise of excitement, having found a building which retained his handprint.  I was surprised to see, however, that it was not a house, but a department store and boutique.  The building was tall, but appeared to be made out of a single slab of marble that extended all three stories, and strangely bore a flat roof.  There were large windows on the ground floor, but each of the windows on the upper levels seemed to be of the bay variety.  There was something else odd about it, something which I found myself incapable of discerning accurately; some measure to it that seemed out of place, an unknown quantity that made my stomach wish to move simply by looking at it.

A handful of others stepped inside to examine it, finding an entrance to living quarters above the shop accessible from the interior.  For how dismissive I was of them before, they were wise to check almost every window.

With that out of the way, I finally slipped from the push bar of the rickshaw, only to find Mr. Lyons’ portly form in front of me.  “Bring my equipment up to the top floor, won’t you?”

Ah, obviously I’d made a misjudgment in my decision to push the rickshaw.  Whereas I had done it for personal safety and to ensure that those who weren’t as familiar with running as I wouldn’t result in us losing all of our gear should the worst come to pass, he had taken it to mean that I was the manual laborer of the group.  With a heavy heart, I reached into my left messenger bag and withdrew one of the few things that I hadn’t considered a tool which I brought with me on this expedition.  My back straight and with purpose, I offered the letter to Mr. Lyons.

With a smirk, he took the letter from my hands, but paled almost immediately as soon as he saw the broken seal on it.  He cast a glance to me, but I only nodded once.  With mounting dread, he began to read silently.  I was aware of eyes upon us, but offered nothing.  It could wait.

At long last, his trembling hand offered the parcel back to me.  “Forgive me, good sir.”

I turned to the assembled group as I returned it to its proper place.   “I believe that you all are due an explanation of what he has just seen.  When the call went out for members of this expedition, it was an open invitation.  However, two people received personal invitations, addressed from His Majesty.  One refused.  I did not.

“He specifically requested that I attend due to my familiarity with Wonders and their effects on people, as well as his familiarity with me.  When he was but Crowned Prince, I was blessed enough to spend an evening dining in his company.  Once again, I was granted his presence over tea as he discussed this expedition, and my role within it.  I am to ensure that even should we succumb to madness, we will at least report back useful information.

“I did not wish to inform you all of this, lest I be viewed our leader.  By how we have behaved thus far, and by our disparate fields of study, I believe that one of us declaring ourselves the leader will only cause unnecessary friction between us.”  I looked among the twenty assembled bodies.  “Instead, I will offer the following suggestion.  The able-bodied men of this expedition, which I believe that all of us are, will unload the rickshaws, while the ladies are allowed to freshen up.  We aren’t savages, after all.”

Everyone agreed to that, and we set to work.  I was surprised by the department store — it had such a strange assortment of fashion that made little sense to me, but some that made half-sense.  At least it had proper trousers.  Miss Ellicott took the opportunity to nick some, since the owners appeared to be long gone.

The apartment above was lavish, with plenty of plush furniture and a fully stocked kitchen, filled with canned goods that appeared to still be edible.  We refrained from trying any, owing to the comments of the Gramgard woman.  We had our own provisions for now, thankfully.  Mr. Nolan informed us that he would attempt to feed some to the mice that he brought with him in the morn.

As our last true action of the eve, those with a more technical mind set up our talkie.  As they did so, I took a look at the devices available to us for study, identifying them for Mr. Wilkinson.  Most were simple — a torch, a device to open cans, a cash register.  Many, however, were beyond my knowledge and would require patient testing.

As soon as the talkie was set up, we each took turns giving our initial observations.  I waited patiently, willing to go last.  I hoped that the battery of Leiderdorp jars held out.

Fortunately, after but an hour, it was my turn.  “Sir Wallen?”

I heard the deep, booming laughter of my old friend, and could see that smile which threatened to swallow the world in my mind.  “I was wondering when you would speak.  What have you observed?”

He might be a bear of a man, but his mind was keen and he was quick to the point, two of my favorite qualities about him.  “The architecture is multicultural, which is what we expected.  I will endeavor to sketch some of the more unusual buildings and see if the Gramgard can launch it in their daily mortars.”  They assured us that the shells they’d designed to transport samples and written records would go over the walls, but I held my doubts.

“So far, there has been little noise and only one person.”  Before he could interrupt, I quickly amended my statement.  “I’ll talk about her more tomorrow.  I would prefer to wait for her to be more calm before interviewing her.  She was quite hysterical.”

“A pity,” Sir Wallen said solemnly.

“I am filled with an eerie sense of dread here.  Everything is far too quiet, without even the sounds of insects.  Were it not for the thin layer of dust, I would guess that the building that we are holed up in was occupied as little as a day ago.  Worse still, we’re no closer to discerning the source of the howling madness that is heard over the talkies.”

“Give it time, old friend.  I know how important that particular mystery is to you, but you cannot get all of your answers in a scant few hours.  I have faith in your abilities to unravel it and report as strong as my faith in the Lord.”  He paused for a moment.  “You have little to report directly, then?”

“Not at this moment, I’m afraid. You’ve already heard about the handprint, so there’s little else at this point.”

“Very  well.  Then what are your  plans for tomorrow?”

“Some simple exploration, seeking out more exotic devices here.  To meet with the Gramgard, and possibly interview the woman.  And lastly, to assist my erstwhile companions as best I can.”

Sir Wallen snorted.  “More of a plan than you usually have.  Then God’s grace be with you, both now and in all things.”

Five Minutes With Muldoon

I was squirming in my seat as I watched the clock.  A late teacher meant one important possibility.  One vital possibility that I clung to with every single hope that I could.  And a possibility that came true as the door opened, and the professor walked in.

“Sit the gorram heck down and shut the frack up,” Muldoon barked as he briskly marched down the stairs past the rows of students,  words pouring out of his mouth a mile a minute.  “Professor Jordan is sick today, on the first day of class!  How ridiculous!  So rather than make you all wonder what the flub is going on and miss a day of the education you’re paying out the cloaca for, they’ve assigned me to be your substitute teacher for you all today.  Oh goody!”

He reached the head of the class and sat on the desk, unceremoniously tossing his briefcase to the side.  “I am Professor Muldoon, as many of you know.  But I’m seeing plenty of new faces here, so I’ll give my bleeding spiel.  I’m a professional sub here at the Institute, and the only one who doesn’t have a specialty.  I do things a little differently than everyone else.

“First of all, I curse like a blanking sailor, but when you might teach people of any age group, they kind of frown on you dropping an F-bomb every three words for some strange reason.  Stupid, no?”  A soft chorus of chuckles went through the student body, me along with them.  Some people were too busy trying to get a handle on this madman to see the humor, or maybe they just didn’t find him funny.  Their loss, in my opinion.

“Long story short, your substitute substitute words because what the blip not?”  He didn’t smile or smirk, but that got even more chuckles out of us.  “Secondly, I believe firmly in the idea that you should be learning.  Sitting in a class listening to a teacher drone on about something that you’re being burning forced to is absolute birdseed!  So, here’s the deal.  I start off every class with five, count them, five minutes where you can ask me any frakking question that you want, and I’ll answer.  So get ready…”  He looked at his watch.  “Go!”

Students’ hands all went up, and I was no exception.  I wanted to try something.  Sadly, he didn’t point at me, but another girl higher up.  “You, with the skin!”

“How much did your grandfather bribe Flora Neumann?”

I wanted to facepalm.  Probably one of those tumblr types.  This was neither the time nor the place to be making accusations like that.  I was familiar enough with Muldoon’s reputation outside of the Institute to expect one hell of a bitterly explosive response.

Muldoon, though, only looked around the class before answering in the same tone as before.

“Alright, listen.  For those of you not in the know, yes, I’m that Robert Muldoon.  No, I didn’t pay for my job here, I fought for it the old fashioned way, through smarts and hard work.  And no, believe it or not, my grandfather argued against what let him build up our empire.  The thing that most people don’t realize is that Flora Neumann wasn’t brilliant in the way that the cult who suckles at her legend would have you believe.  Years before she even hinted that she’d like to become Chancellor, she was hiring people to research and debate possible policy changes.  That was her strength, to listen to well-educated debates and then do her own research based off of them.  So, no, she wasn’t the goddess of politics that people thought she was, she was more of a manager who knew who to listen to.

“My grandfather didn’t think it was wise for corporations to be able to buy as much land as they wanted for a lot of reasons.  He argued that they should only own four or five plots of land, and rent or lease another ten, tops.  That would continue to encourage competition, which he saw as vital to the continued growth of the nation.  It was partially spite that made him expand the way that he did under Muldoon Corp.  Muldoon Towers had their own banks and pretty much everything that they needed, and he had always planned on expanding those.  So he had already built up an infrastructure to expand.  But when she let her debaters know which way the wind was blowing, he capitalized on it.  He hired the people and got the equipment together so that a week after the law was passed, the various businesses of Muldoon Corp had new locations open and operating.”

His arm waved around the class again.  “Next question.”

Hands went up again, only for him to ignore me.  “You, the dude with the hair.”

A boy pointed to himself, and Muldoon nodded vigorously.  “Uh, why…  Why does DISO do patrols like cops?  Isn’t that a waste of time?”

Muldoon clapped his hands together.  “Excellent question!

“DISO, or the Department of Intelligence and Special Operations, originally started out as part of the police.  Back then, the police didn’t have as good of a budget as they do now, so their Specially Trained Armed Response teams, which is a name that I wish they’d kept in case there’s a zombie outbreak, had to do patrols alongside their more typical brethren.  When they were elevated to their own department, it was a matter of honor for them to keep doing patrols — remembering that their first priority is to serve and protect.  Rookies do a lot more patrols than the others, partially as a way to familiarize them with the city, and to encourage them to build street-level contacts.  After they become more familiar with the system, they usually only patrol once a week.  To this day, they still have to swear the exact same oath as the police, along with the other oaths of office that they have to make.  There’s actually little jurisdiction rivalry between them and the police because of this, and their willingness to help out the police.”

“Next question.”

This time, it was a middle-aged guy in the front row.  “From what you said before, you sound like you aren’t fond of…  Uh…”  Did he forget what he was asking about already?

Fortunately, Muldoon picked up on it and ran with it.

“No, despite my earlier statement, I don’t think any less of Flora Neumann.  We needed a leader who was willing to have a small army of people doing massive amounts of research on the big topics to determine what legislation to push through.  The fact that she was able to do this, often without having to pay those experts to debate, is an impressive deal.  I can only imagine what it would be like today if she were able to have access to the internet and real freaking computers.  By Crom, if we had a leader like her today, it would be an international panel of experts the likes of which have never been seen before!  So, no, her being more of a manager than a traditional politician thinking that they’re right doesn’t decrease my respect for her.  It increases it.

“Next!”

Hands went up again, only this time he pointed at me.  “You, with the cells.”

I took a deep breath, grinning from ear to ear.  “How is babby formed?”  I’d only recently discovered the meme, but I wanted to give it a go.

Muldoon blinked at me, and I immediately felt sheepish.  After a couple of seconds, he brushed his bangs back so he could put a hand to his ear, an expectant expression on his face.

Crap, it was too late for me to change my question, too.  He’d call me out on it.  “H-how is babby formed?”  He made a go on motion with his other hand.  “How girl get pregnant?”

Immediately, the professor was on his feet, fist held high in the air and yelling.  “They need to do way instain mother!  Who kill their babby, because these babby can’t frigth back?!  Next question!”

I couldn’t help but howl with laughter, as did a couple of others.  More were rolling their eyes or shaking their heads, but at least Muldoon had taken it in good spirits.  After a moment, he pointed at a guy way in the back.  “You with the carbon, for the last question!”

“Why does the government allow the Grims to exist?”

Muldoon crossed his arms, a thoughtful expression on his face for a moment.  “Huh, that’s a new one.  But I promised answers, so here you go!

“The Grims aren’t so much of a thing that’s allowed to exist as they are part of the natural way that economics work.  You have poor people.  Poor people need a place to live.  People with more money aren’t going to want the cheap housing that poor people can afford near them.  Poor people end up in clumps.  Crime rises, you get the Grims.  This isn’t the fault of anyone who lives there!  Except the people who do the crimes, of course.  Or the ones on drugs.  That does nothing to help the situation.  But if you’re on hard times, or not skilled for a good paying job, or just trapped in the poverty cycle, that’s not necessarially your fault.  Listen, this is a huge subject that I can’t condense down into something simple.  Swing by my desk at the end of class, I’ll have a simple-to-understand book that’s actually kind of funny and entertaining that will explain it for you.”

With that, he clapped his hands and moved around behind the desk and opening his briefcase.  “And that’s all the time for today.  If numbjoy is sick tomorrow, too, I’ll answer another round then.  So!  Intro to Avalonian History, or, this is gonna be the most boring and short freaking history class you’ve ever had.  But first, roll call!”

City of Dreams: Chapter 1

The Chalice weeps, but they will lick at its Dew

 

As I finally stepped again onto solid land, I wished that our journey had lasted longer. No doubt, though, the other passengers would either agree with me passionately, or disagree with equal venom.

Whereas I had spent our time at sea studying the knowledge gained of the atom, the curiosity of the spark, and what was known about the talkies that we would be taking with us, I could easily identify those of us who would be accompanying me on the expedition by their bearing and behavior. They drank too freely and spoke too much, telling tales of personal exploits of science and adventure that were most likely either imagined or exaggerated beyond all proportion.

They had been eager to forget, even for a time, what lay ahead. Drink and conversation meant they could temporarily forget that the likelihood of us returning from the expedition was infinitesimally small. Oh, when they deemed me worthy of their notice, I would engage them in conversation, but I would prefer to ensure that the history of the City of Dreams remained fresh in my mind than blather on about the condition that the waves left ones constitution.

The City had been founded in a contested area of land — they claimed to be an independent country, but none recognized those claims. Three nations claimed the land, and the people were trapped between states which had far more power than they. In a desperate bid for their own survival, they constructed a fortress in the Accepted Year of 204.

Perhaps it was fate, however more pressing concerns prevented them from being molested by any of their oppressors for a whole generation. By the time that the nation of Maserod marched troops in the area, the fortress had grown into a massive beast, nearly impenetrable upon the plateau on which it sat. By the time that they returned with those most primitive of cannons, the people had created their own weapons, laying waste to the army before camp could be struck.

Quickly, the fortress surpassed the plateau, growing faster than any could believe. Every time that someone would approach, they would find new walls either constructed or under construction. Free from the feuding of other nations, the population swelled. What was once a small fortress was now a city the size of a small nation.

In the Accepted Year of 355, they sent diplomats to every nation that they could, bearing a gift — the first talkies, which allowed instant communication between nations. These were the first wonders that came out of the City of Dreams, but they would hardly be the last. Until the Accepted year of 612, they would trade items beyond the comprehension of any man of science with anyone, all the while seemingly never letting any within their borders.

One day, the nobody came to man the trading posts, and none could get word from them over the talkies. At least, not until 614, when the screaming began. Incoherent babbling of terror followed.

Armies formed to attempt to liberate the City of Dreams, but all who entered the gates never returned. Occasionally, their voices would be added to the chorus in the receptions. Sometimes fearful, sometimes joyous.

Those tasked with listening to the receptions on the talkies had an inordinate tendency to end their own lives, despite it being an affront to God’s eyes. If it deterred them at all, none could tell.

And here we were, preparing to set foot inside.

I glanced over to see my trunks being unloaded. That was good enough for me. Ahead, a member of His Majesty’s Royal Army was getting confirmation letters from the passengers. That was my cue. By the time that I retrieved the document tube from my messenger bag, the officer was already calling out to the other soldiers.

“That looks like everyone.”

“Not quite,” I said, crossing the distance between us with long strides.

“These are all the names on the list,” the officer said in a gravely voice.

That was mildly insulting. I couldn’t help but feel like it was an ill omen of some sort. Never less, I still presented my certificate, complete with the King’s seal, to the man. “I believe that an error has been made, Lieutenant.”

The soldier spent a moment staring at me before examining the page. It only took him a few moments before he looked up at me with a forced smile. “You appear to be correct. I was told that there would be an even twenty, anyway. Most likely a simple clerical error, my good sir. May I inquire of your luggage?”

I indicated, and he issued two men to collect them for me before showing me to my carriage.

To say that my three fellow passengers were surprised by my appearance would be an understatement. “Pardon the trouble,” I said as I took the free seat.

“Well I didn’t realize that you were part of our expedition,” Mrs. Turner said with a smile.

“I find that sea travel doesn’t agree with me,” I lied. “It’s easier for me to be solitary on such trips rather than inflict my misery on others.”

“How courteous of you!”

“I will admit some surprise,” Mr. Wilkinson confessed. “I’m surprised that they let you on if your name wasn’t on the list.”

“My invitation was enough.”

“Quite right,” mused Mr. Bennett. “The King’s seal is hard to forge, and only a fool would do so only to join on this expedition.”

Mr. Wilkinson scoffed. “I wouldn’t know about that. Even a brief entrance into the City of Dreams would be enough to secure a lavish lifestyle, so long as they left with an armload of devices. Even baubles would do the job.”

“Spoken like a true entrepreneur,” I said with a smile, holding back a chiding remark of the optimism that anyone could walk away. In 300 years, nobody who entered the gates had yet to leave.

“Oh,” Mr. Wilkinson said suddenly. “Pardon my manners!”

Introductions were made all around, though I had already gleaned who my companions were. Mr. Wilkinson was an industrialist. Despite coming up with several innovative designs, his business partners had ensured his poverty. The King was hopeful that his keen eye for how parts worked together would serve us well. Mr. Bennett was a scientist specializing in electricity, though he had made some interesting breakthroughs in leavening for bread using only flour and water that promised to all but eliminate the need for barm. I doubted that, but wisely said nothing.

Mrs. Turner was an accomplished chemist. While some might balk at women being properly educated, I rather relished the idea — women had a different way of seeing the world, which might give them surprising insight. I was familiar with the shipboard conversations, how some claimed that her departed husband was the actual chemist. No doubt, she was on this trip to prove otherwise.

“And what of you, friend?” Mr. Bennett asked.

“I study the devices of the City, specifically those sent to the tribes of primitives.” I freely admit that my chest swelled with pride a little.

“Oh my,” Mrs. Turner said, a hand moving to her lips. “Study of the devices is risky of itself, but to do so surrounded by savages!”

I nodded solemnly. “Yes. It’s quite dangerous business indeed. More than once, I’ve been forced to fight for my life. I do suspect that it was why I was invited.” I did not freely admit that I had been accompanied on those expeditions by both big game hunters and scientists who helped to keep me alive. That fact did not change the truth of my statement, however. I had fought, and we were unsure as to what we would find upon entry. Should it come to combat, having people there who had already bloodied their blade and who could use a gun would be helpful.

“So you’ve actually handled them?” Mr. Bennett asked.

“And dissected a few of them, yes. I only gain minor insight into their operation each time, however.” My eyes turned to Mr. Wilkinson. “I suspect that you will be of more use to our understanding when we arrive than I will be.”

“I may still do well to keep by your side,” Mr. Wilkinson observed. “You may only have fleeting insight, but it will only serve to educate me that much faster. I have never been so privileged as to even hold one of their devices. Together, we may gleam more than we would separately.”

“Quite right.”

The rest of that first day’s trip was spent with idle chatter as they attempted to dazzle me with their stories and the hints of their genius. As far as they were concerned, I had not heard any of these before. Observation, however, is the first key to science, and I had learned much in my studies of everyone already. I would have preferred to focus further on my studies of the City, but as I may come to rely on these people with my life, I thought it better to stay in their good graces.

And thus began the week-long journey. By day, carriage would push us further towards our destination. Every leg, I would ride in a different carriage, forced to mingle when I would rather study. By night, we would rest in an accepting village. I would retreat to my room and pore over the books that I had stashed in my trunks, making notes on the pages to commit my thoughts to memory.

On the fourth day, we were joined by a delegation from Garmgrad. While we were fourteen men and six women of learning, the Garmgrads had sent a full two dozen soldiers and only two scientists. I would have liked to spend time speaking with them, but my knowledge of their tongue was poor at best, and would not help with the subjects that would have done me any good.

As time went on, we gained more members of our caravan as representatives from multiple countries joined us. The Rhilians were snobbish as always, but otherwise keen to establish that we were all in this together. The Tsullists were… Drunk would be a polite term. The Zipongs only sent five people, one of whom was their translator, so they kept to themselves.

The eighth day had me conveniently enough in the company of my first companions again. Whereas before my companions had been too talkative, now they were too quiet. I would have liked to do some final reading, but the roads were barely traveled, forcing all of us to hold on for dear life.

Finally, however, the forest broke, and we marveled at our first glimpse of the City of Dreams. The massive pearled outer walls were a sight to behold, but so was what little architecture we could make out — the spires of grand buildings beckoned us, tantalizingly almost reminiscent of the designs back home.

“An hour,” Mr. Wilkinson said softly.

“Less,” corrected Mr. Bennett. “We’re closer than you might think.”

Mrs. Turner nodded a little, running her hands over her breeches, unused to wearing them. Whereas before the others had dressed in proper attire befitting their stations, today we all had prepared in what each of us believed to be proper adventuring garb. There were no uniforms for us, though the King had been kind enough to see to it that we were well-funded for anything we wished to bring with us.

Within half of an hour, we arrived and began the process of checking what we would bring with us.

Unlike the others, I’d only packed one trunk of clothes for the trip, two trunks of books for reading along the way, and could clear out the fourth trunk of the gear that I’d brought in a matter of minutes. Fortunately, I wouldn’t be burdened by my equipment like some would. It only took me a matter of minutes to discreetly change the outer layers, switching out my vest. An extra set of sleeve garters were donned, only this time around my forearms, before ensuring that my vest would be snugly fit around my person. My messenger bags were properly adorned, followed by my father’s revolver and smallsword.

I hoped that I wouldn’t have to use them, but I’d still packed a few reloads of ammunition.

Only then did I pay attention to the encampment around us. It looked to my eye to be half military and half scientific. The Gramgard delegation’s portion of the camp looked far more like a military outpost, complete with heavy guns capable of shooting over the fortifications. By comparison, the Zipong portion consisted of only two men to man their talkie. Interesting.

“It would be better were we to rest tonight and begin refreshed,” I overheard Mr. Brown complain.

“Blame the Rhilians,” Mr. Taylor replied. “They were insistent that no man be given the opportunity to develop cold feet.”

There was a wisdom to both lines of thought, but I didn’t dwell on either. We would do what we could, and gauging by previous attempts to enter, our level of rest wouldn’t do us any good in the end.

I kept such thoughts out of my head by putting my services to good use. The Zipongs had developed an interesting variation of the rickshaw for this expedition so that we might pull our gear without the need of beasts of burden. Helping to load them kept my hands busy and my mind active, free from dangerously wandering thoughts. Not only was each delegation bringing their own gear and provisions, they were also bringing with them their own talkie. The range on these recently reverse-engineered talkies wasn’t very good, but there was the hope that by communicating regularly with those outside, at the very least a record could be made of why insanity soon befell all who entered the City.

As I finished, however, I was reminded once again of our inevitable fates as an Army chaplain approached us, his face solemn and voice grave. “You have been commissioned by King Michael Boudica to enter the City of Dreams, to discover and report anything that might be of value to King and Country, and to preserve your own souls in the process. May the light of the Lord be upon you, guiding your path. May He watch over your endeavors, guiding your hand towards completion. May he ward you against evil, so that you might be rewarded in the hereafter. In the name of the Lord, and in the name of the King, amen.”

“Amen,” we all repeated. I wanted to get a few words with the chaplain, perhaps a promise to say a prayer for my mother and brother, but he seemed to be out of words. Instead, he thrust a small vial of water on a chain into my hands before moving on to do the same for another. With a frown, I put it around my neck and tucked it under my simple workshirt.

I was moving to get into position, as the Zipongs and Tsullists had already finished and were ready for the rest of us, when a hand grabbed my arm. I turned only to find Sir Wallen smiling upon me. The sight of that bear of a man and the smile that took up far too much of his face was relieving, even if the scars were still fresh. He wasn’t quite dressed for adventure like I was, but that wasn’t surprising by how he favored one leg. No doubt, he was going to be part of the crews manning the talkies out here. I wished that I could ask his presence with us, but after our last adventure together, I was simply amazed that he had recovered enough to make the journey here. He might have a hulking visage, but he was still flesh and blood.

Sir Wallen dutifully informed me that he would be a very ungentlemanly thing should I die without reporting some significant discovery. I simply responded that we would discuss his mother’s breeding upon my successful return. That brought a bubble of laughter to both of us as he thrust a cape into my hands and took his leave. As I attached the cape, I guessed that a lack of words might serve the both of us well. Still, I had to confess that knowing that he was out here gave me a much-needed boost of courage.

At least the fabric of the cape felt as if it would tear easily. The dark color matched my clothing as well — I dared not guess how he knew what my clothes would look like far enough in advance to have the cape ready for me. Now, if only I’d brought a cane…

I had little time to contemplate my lack of foresight, as the moment that all of the delegations were in place in front of the gate, one of the Rhilians surged forward to work at the controls. One could only surmise that the pearlescent white gate was once manned by long-missing guards to perform this duty. I was surprised, however, as the gates opened in a matter of simple breaths, revealing a long corridor through the massive walls to another set of gates.

Steeling ourselves, we all moved forward as one.

Greetings and Salutations

Welcome to my little corner of the internet.  When I feel like rambling about something, or adding supplementary information about one of my projects that doesn’t warrant its own chapter, I’ll go ahead and post it here.  For now, there isn’t much.  Eventually, though…

Well.  We’ll see.